Too Deep Now
by SayAnythingLovely
Summary: Josh's addictions are getting the best of him. He cannot seem to escape. Until he meets his study partner Hayley, and is frightened of getting too close to the mysterious girl he has come to care about.


**Disclaimer: I do not own the character Josh Ramsay, nor Matt Webb. Hayley is my original character. :)**

A rebel without a cause. Is that something you would call me? Maybe. Though, most stayed clear from me. My reputation was not the best. I pressed my shoulder against the cool metal of the lockers, a cigarette held loftily between my index and middle finger. My full lips puckered, placed at the edge of the cigarette, leaning back and exhaling the smoke from my lungs with a small sigh. My close, seemingly only friend Matt stood beside me, one of the few who could actually stand my violent mood swings. He seemed rather absorbed in his unfinished English homework, rather than doing something productive. Idiot.

"Josh, shouldn't we get to class? It is music class after all.."

He trailed off, and I grunted, flicking my smoke to the ground, snuffing it out with the toe of my shoe, flicking my jet black, blue streaked hair from my eyes. Cobalt blue. Unending.

"Yeah."

I walked away, without waiting to see if he followed. There was time left before the bell for class rang. I did enjoy being fashionably late at times. I turn heel, spinning around, and walking calmly toward the library. Why the hell not? It was quiet there.. not crowded with many students on a rare, sunny day like this. I tugged my dark gray hood up over my hair softly, wandering into the nearly empty library.

I hovered there briefly, looking around at the rows and rows of books. A small, soft cough made he start in surprise, shifting my gaze down toward a nearby table. A soft featured girl, slender, maybe 5''6, sat near the door, glancing up at me in clear awe. I'd never seen myself as attractive. Though some girls seemed to. Her eyes were big, lie a doe's, amber, dark, like her hair that had been tugged back in a ponytail. She seemed.. odd. Something about the air she gave off. She seemed.. weird. I wasn't one that was good at making friends, but hey, it wasn't like I was going to ever see her again, right?

"Hey, what's your name?"

She blinked, eyes widening, clearly surprised that I had even spoken to her.

"I.. Hayley."

Hayley. She had a very soft voice, like it was almost painful for her to speak. She shifted, her hand wrapping around a golden locket hanging from around her neck, toying with the slender chain in her fingertips. Each time she moved, her jacket sleeve fell a bit lower. Exposing the silvery white scars that puckered against her already pale skin. My face remained otherwise calm, not caring to startle her in anyway, my own, long fingers smoothing over my black purity ring my mom had given me a few years back. I dipped my head briefly.

"Nice to meet you, Hayley. I'm Josh."

I smiled, then glanced up when the bell rang. Hearing her gather her things, and not wanting to take up more of her time, I walked out of the library, trotting toward toe music room across campus. Matt met me at the door, face flushed, clearly not happy about my being late. I rolled my eyes, sinking down in the seat in the back of the class, long legs stretched out from under the desk, chin raised slightly, looking toward the ceiling, flicking my bangs out of my eyes. My grades were failing. Every single day, each one of my teachers tried to talk to me about it. Not that I cared what they wanted to say. Old, brainless douche-bags.

Then, there it was. That slightly annoying little cough that had caught my attention earlier. I glanced over to my left, face registering in surprise. Hayley sat about two seats over from me, her arms folded out on front of her, jacket tugged down to the tips of her fingers. Her amber eyes studied the teacher calmly, listening, devouring every word that he said. I grimaced, glancing up briefly as the teacher called my name.

"Joshua Ramsay, come up to my desk."

I gritted my teeth in irritation, sighing, moving up calmly and walking slowly to the edge of his desk.

"What?"

I growled in a bored sigh. The teacher clearly ignored my tone, continuing softly, voice lowered so the other students wouldn't overhear..

"We both know that your grades are slipping. Which.. is why I am getting you help. From now on, you are going to study after school with our new student. Come back to me on Monday, and give me your work that you've studied, and you can get extra-credit.."

I tuned out, feeling the cold feeling of rage boil deep within the pit of my stomach. I didn't even have to guess who that was. I glanced over the curve of my shoulder at Hayley, who watched me with big amber eyes. My full upper lip curled, eyes like cold, blue chips of ice as I looked back at my teacher.

"I'm fine on my own."

I insisted with a small hiss of frustration. My teacher shook his head heavily, slowly smiling up at me, peering at he quizzically through the thick lenses of his glasses.

"No. She has straight A's. You will me studying with her. Do you hear me?"

I snarled a curse word under my breath, jerking my head in a furious nod.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it."

I stalked back to my seat, slumping down in my seat, rubbing my hand angrily over my face. That same voice made me cringe, peaking at her through my spread fingers.

"I'm not all bad to hang around.."

Hayley said softly, looking at me, clearly wishing I would be a little more enthusiastic when it came to studying with her. The prep. Goddamn.

"Yeah. We'll see."

I muttered ungraciously, and looked up at the clock, muscles stiff with anger. How could anyone tell me what to do? I do what I want, whenever the hell I want! Who's to tell me different? Hayley was crestfallen by my attitude, but who gave a damn. I could already tell she was going to get on my nerves. Brilliant.

**Chapter Two**

Oh.. oh sweet Jesus. Please, God, please. This woman.. is getting on my last nerve. Hayley followed me around like a fucking lost puppy. Her eyes like wide, nervous, muddy brown pools of anxiety. Who the FUCK was she trying to impress? Someone like her would have to do a whole lot to impress someone. And today was our first study session. A-fucking-mazing. My black and sapphire blue hair hung in the way of my eyes as I trudged reluctantly home with her at my side, my knuckles a cold white as I grasped the strap of my backpack against my left shoulder. My wet converse squeaked against the damp pavement from today's earlier rainfall. It was just a tad bit hazy now. Nothing that signified another bad forecast. Hayley was quiet, her fingers dangling limp at her sides as she avoided eye contact with me. Good.

"I.. I'm getting the strong impression you don't enjoy my company very much.."

Oh, no shit, Sherlock! We have a genius! I bitterly rolled my eyes and glanced at her, then away again. Silent otherwise. Her dark ringlets of chestnut brown hair bounced messily at her shoulders and down her slender back, stopping just above her thin waist. Her skin was chalky pale as she glanced up at me wearily, big brown eyes glinting. Clearly wounded.

"I'm not that bad of a person. I swear.."

I snorted in annoyance, spinning around and stopping on the wet sidewalk in front of her, lips pressed together tightly.

"Look, kid, I don't mean to be rude, but you're really not my type. For a friend. Or of anything else."

Hayley raised her brows, and folded her arms across her chest, setting her jaw with a cold arch of her brow.

"Oh? And your type is air then? Because I really don't see you hanging out with many people. And what gave you the impression I wanted to be more than friends?"

My blood boiled, fingers clenching into tight fists at my sides. The nerve of this bitch! I ignored her last question. It was irrelevant.

"I have tons of friends!"

"Like?"

That floored me. I instantly replied Matt, but that was not good enough miss Preppy bitch. She still eyed me with those calculating eyes that made me so.. annoyed. All the goddamn time.

"Yeah! So I don't have a lot of friends right now! I have things I'm going through, okay? Not any of your business!"

Her expression changed slowly, melting away into something of satisfaction and.. pity. I don't need her pity. I glowered at her, and was unnerved as she flashed me a small smile.

"I could.. help you. If you'd like.. I went through a bad time of my life too."

Who the hell doesn't now-a-days. Her big, always seemingly bewildered eyes studied mine with a sort of, childish innocence and eagerness that the word _fine_ fell from my lips before I could bite it back. I instantly regretted it, but had a plan to push her away from me.. Like all the rest who had tried to get close to me. I knew it would work. It had to work. The girl was beginning to get under my skin. And it was bothering me.

"Fine. Hayley. I'll let you help me a little. But you need to meet me in the park around 11:00 pm tonight. Near the row of benches and rose bushes. Understand? I will talk to you a little bit then.."

Her slim, well shaped brows pulled together slightly, creasing her pale skin there briefly, but she gently nodded in agreement.

"Alright. As long as my helping you is for your well being."

"Yeah. Whatever. I need to get going."

I turned heel and began to make my way back to my house. Though I wanted to be anywhere but there. Hopefully everything will go smooth tonight. My dad wasn't home yet.. maybe.. Fuck. It was late. No.. maybe he was out with his bar pals. Yeah. I'd just sneak into my basement bedroom and lock myself in there for the night. I ignored Hayley as she tried to catch up, before her footsteps puttered out behind me. Shoving my way down a small short cut toward my house, jogging across the empty street and up to the front door. Screw it. I didn't want to take any real chances tonight. I dropped my backpack onto the wet grass of the front lawn, dropping to my haunches and kicking open my bedroom window at the bottom of the house. Ah the joys of having a basement for a bedroom. I wormed my way inside, which was not very hard, due to how much weight I had lost over the last few months. It was rather noticeable, but I honestly could care less. Grasping the strap of my backpack, I tugged that inside as well, feet hitting my bedroom floor with a small thud. I tossed my pack on my bed, which had pieces of paper scattered over the blanket. Lyrics to unfinished songs scribbled messily over the lines of the crisp parchment. Empty coke zero cans lay in random disarray across my floor, my shoe connecting with one as I kicked it across the room. Sighing.

I had a good few hours before I would crawl back out into the world and confront her. Time to put my plan into motion. I dropped onto all fours, reaching under my bed and tugging out a small case that had been pressed to the far wall. I flipped opened the front clasp, and let the lid hung open, taking out a piece of paper and some weed. After rolling a joint, in the dark shadows of my gloomy room, I flicked my lighter, the blaze of light illuminating the features of my face, before dying again. The fiery red end of the smoke burned like am ember as I inhaled, exhaling slowly, the thick ringlets of whitish gray fumes curling seductively in the low lighting. I desperately needed to get high.. I needed to block out all other thoughts, and just relax. Loosen up. I rolled my heavy head back, lifting the joint to my full lips once more, inhaling with a soft sigh. Thinking of nothing. Listening to the soft thrum of my own breathing, and the soft chirp of crickets outside my window. And yet.. I could still hear her small voice coo behind me when I had left her behind, when she quietly mumbled,

"We were supposed to study together.."

**Chapter 3**

My mind was hazy as I hauled myself face first out of the basement window, scrambling my way out onto the slippery grass of my front lawn. It was dark, the stars were barely seen on the settling fog that was heavy in the sky tonight. It was late as well, 11:23 pm. I was late, but who fucking cares. I struggled to my feet, before trying to walk calmly to the park across the street. Well, sort of. It was down the street and to the left, but it was close enough to consider it across the street. No one was really out, only the flickering street lamps above me kept me company for now. My dark hair hung in my pale face as my black converse squeaked softly on the grass as I stumbled into the park, eyes peering around in the shadows for the skinny figure of Hayley. Then, I finally spotted her. Perched sitting on the edge of a bench, glancing over the rose bushes that fanned along the sides of her seat. I smirked deviously and walked up to her side.

She gasped in shock and scrambled out of the way, sides heaving in terror as her eyes widened in cold annoyance.

"What the hell!"

She snapped and her hand flew to her chest to clasp the locket dangling just below her collarbone. I smirked in lazy satisfaction, and leaned against the trunk of the tree, slipping my hands deep into my front pockets.

"So here I am."

I slurred with an almost drunken laugh, turning my pale blue gaze to leeringly watch her expression. It had hardened, and was more careful than ever as she tentatively asked in a hollow tone,

"Are you drunk?"

No, you fucking bitch. I'm not, I'm not fucking drunk. I laughed aloud as I gripped my sides, tears forming in the corners of my eyes. Her confusion was comical.

"No I'm not drunk!"

I giggled and flicked my hair out of my eyes. She glared me down, which I found funny for a moment, before she stormed up to me, and smacked me hard across the face. I staggered back in disbelief, my hand flying to my cheek. My chipped black nail polish was drastic in contrast to my fair skin. My eyes widened and I glared at her in anger.

"What the fu-"

"I'm tired of you treating me like nothing, Josh. I'm tired of it. I wanted to help you, and you don't even have the decency to show up sober!"

"I'm not fucking dru-"

"Sorry."

Hayley growled out bitterly, setting her jaw as she ground her teeth together. To quit from shouting at me, no doubt.

"High, right?"

I was quiet, waiting, crossing my arms over my chest. My plan was working. Now all I had to do, was watch her walk away. But, instead, she stood there, fuming, hands clenched at her sides.

"Do you think you're the only one with problems?" she snarled in such a tone that I was taken aback. She never really talked like that..

"I just-"

"You what? Expected to show up, be an asshole, and send me on my merry way?!"

"Well, yeah."

I was so confused. What was she trying to get at? Gain? My mind was a blur, so it was hard to really make out anything she was saying, but she definitely sounded pissed.

"Well, I'm more stubborn than that, Josh Ramsay. I have been through shit that will make even you have nightmares."

"Bull."

I snapped, and she retaliated by tearing off the golden locket that she had been holding the entire time. Her knuckles flushed white as she held it up in my face.

"Do you see this? My mother gave this to me before she died. Do you know how she died? Do you? My father killed her. He came home one night, as drunk and as high as a kite, and stabbed a fork through her throat. Let her bleed out on the carpet until she suffocated in her own bodily secretions. I was ten. I hid in my closet until he went to sleep, then I gathered my closest belongings, and left."

I blinked at how darkly she spoke. Her story.. was it a story? Just to make me feel bad for her? She seemed so passionate about it. Hayley stuffed the broken locket chain and charm in her front pocket, wringing out the edge of her shirt.

"I left home, ran away, and am living with a close friend right now. I still have the horrible feeling that he is looking for me." She glared off into the trees, before raising her face to stare me down, and I backed off this time. Knowing she'd been through that.. Well, fuck. I've been through some shit, but that..

"I'm sorry."

I managed to mutter, and she glared further.

"Why do you hate me? Exactly. I'm curious."

I hesitated, wondering just why she rubbed me the wrong way. She just.. bothered me.

"I don't know."

I mumbled and met her harsh gaze, which I instantly shied from. She let her hands drop to her sides, sighing and shaking her head, taking a step back.

"Well, maybe you should figure it out."

She said slowly, turning to the side to make her way back to the road. I had a sudden urge. Call it wonder, desire, confusion, or just the fact that I was high out of my mind, I called out,

"Um, Hayley, what are you doing tomorrow night?"


End file.
